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Sun Jul 09, 2006 5:47 am

I was asked to drag home a bus for a freind. He says "It's down near Tyler." No problem. Ended up being an hour past Tyler. 200 miles away from me. So anyway, we head out there, with spare tires in tow, and when we arrive, we find thedirtiest bus I have ever seen. Seriously. It has sat out in the trees since 1980. I believe the critters rightfully own it, but who am I to say.

So its on 3.5 flats, glad we brought spares. Ever tried to change the wheel on a car that hasn't moved in 26 years? HA! Finally we get them changed, and have a good look at the bus. No crap, I damn near went back home. Oddly, the cargo floor isn't rusted, and the rockers arent, but the drivers floor and front rocker are shot to hell. So I open the slider.

I damn near died. It smelled like a dead rhino crapped a dead monkey's ass. As I said, the critters own this bus, and here is proof.

Still has the fridge and sink he says. Did he mention that the fridge was mostly a rat's nest? I think not. So, thinking the worst is over, I open the passenger door.

All that black? Rat poop. Seriously. I gagged. This whole filthy monster was covered in green moss, and full of rat turds. So even after a long confrence. My freind still decides to take it, cause its cheap, its a 71, and he wants a project. So we load it.

Truthfully, the people were the nicest people I have ever met. They gave us tons of water, fresh fruit and vegtables from their garden, and offered us lunch. Declining, we head home. My freind is in charge of throwing all four flats in the back and shutting the hatch. This is important for later.

Heading back through Tyler, we hear a loud metallic clank, honks, and screeching tires. Thinking nothing of it, we push on. Stopping at car wash 1 of 3, I check the load. The rear hatch has come open, and we lost one wheel. Guess that explains the noise. After advising the now complete idiot what he did, and discovering that the car wash I manuevered us into is broke, we push on. We stop again in Greenville, at a new car wash. I stuff the bus in the wash bay, and stuff seven dollars worth of quarters in the machine. No kidding, this bus freaking stinks. It still smells horrible. So I blast off all the mold, and he gets the bright idea to wash out all the turds while I scrub with the brush. Long story short? He opens the doors, and starts washing all the turds out. Onto me.

Discussion turns to violence, and Kirk takes a shower in the car wash bay to remove the turds. Seven dollars later, the wash bay is screwed, I'm wet, and the bus still stinks. Telling him to check the straps, I go across the street to the dollar store for a towel. This is important for later.

I get back, and we start off. Not five miles later, I hear "tink-tink-tinkle-tink" and pull over. The left strap flew off. Thought you checked them. I did. You didn't or it wouldn't have come off. Went to fix it, its wet, and covered in rat turds. You fix it. Did. Back on the road. Did I mention I still have no AC and its 96 degrees? Yeah. So back we go. Get to Emory. See another small town carwash, free from witnesses. Pull up to the vaccum and spend two dollars sucking up rat turds. I pulled the tip off the hose, and used the open end to suck up everything I could. I gave him cans and sticks duty, and we filled up the trash. I vaccummed until it stopped up.

This thing is still full of turds, and now smells like wet rat crap. I tied my shirt to my face to block the smell. My freind starts scooping trash out with his hands and throwing it on the ground until I stop him. No reason to mess up someone elses place worse. Back on the road.

We finally find a place for fuel that I can pull up to with the bus in tow. Gas clerk wittingly advises me that I'm towing a big piece of shit. Thanking him, I get my chilli cheese fritos and leave. We finally make it back to Sherman, pull through his "to do" neighboorhood, and present his wife with the prize.

She hits the freaking roof. Refuses to have the possibly rat infested, dripping wet stinking bus at the house. Fears retribution from critters. Alleges possible sicknesses caused by said bus, including but not limited to the rocking pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu.

Argument ensues, and Kirk stares at his feet, pretending to be interested in the passing actions of a beetle. Most likely attracted by the smell of this bus.

Defeated, and dejected, my now ex-freind suggests we put this contraption at my apartment. Not likely. It ended up stuffed in a freinds back yard until further plans are made. He's out of town. Big suprise when he comes back.

We went to the dollar store, got a sixer of bug bombs, and put them in the bus. Hope no one calls the fire department, cause it was smoking.

I shower for 30 minutes, and immediately pass out, after 11 hours on the road.

Long story shorter? A 71 Parts bus may appear on the Samba in the near future.

Sun Jul 09, 2006 6:27 am

Wow, I've helped a few friends like that before. :roll:
Wait a few days, him and his wife will decide to try to give it to you since you know about VWs. :lol:

Sun Jul 09, 2006 6:40 am

Great story! :lol: :lol: I feel so much better about my POS bus now!

Kirk wrote: Gas clerk wittingly advises me that I'm towing a big piece of shit. Thanking him, I get my chilli cheese fritos and leave.

Thanks for the morning laugh!

Scott

Sun Jul 09, 2006 6:52 am

man, i feel for you. but there's allways hope. get some THICK rubber gloves and a breathing mask. load up on the air fresheners. remove everything from the inside and pressure-wash it. scrap or spray all furniture with bleach-water. tune engine (if reasonably complete) and enjoy!

but you know this already, you are a good friend to someone. don't let them forget.

Sun Jul 09, 2006 6:59 am

EXITSTRATEGY wrote: load up on the air fresheners. remove everything from the inside and pressure-wash it. scrap or spray all furniture with bleach-water. tune engine (if reasonably complete) and enjoy!

Are you kidding?
just for starters, where the hell you going to sit?
About everything on that bus is shot from sitting so long.

Sun Jul 09, 2006 7:04 am

I'm laughing so hard tears are running down my face. Wow, you sure can write a funny tale. To bad you had to live through it, but thanks for making my morning. ROFL :lol: :lol:

Sun Jul 09, 2006 7:15 am

I laughed till I cried! You know, I say wash you hands (literally) of this one…It is likely not worth the trouble. Having said that, you are a good friend!

Sun Jul 09, 2006 7:19 am

1. be careful when dealing with animal feces- you can become seriously ill
2. also beware of the microbial growth in the bus such as black mold, this can make you very ill
3. you're not friends now because of the bus?
4. were you rewarded for your service with cold beer?
5. bleach water will kill most of what is on the non porous surfaces
6. I too, have a similar project, though not filled with animal "remains"...mine is a '70 weekender:

Sun Jul 09, 2006 7:22 am

i'm across the atlantic and i'm sorry but i'm currently pissing myself at your misfortune. :lol: :lol: :lol:

i need a friend like you dude :D :D

that was funny :lol:

Sun Jul 09, 2006 7:28 am

what a scene plus spewing parts on the highway..sounds like murphy's law kirked into high gear

Sun Jul 09, 2006 8:24 am

Kirk wrote: I was asked to drag home a bus for a freind. He says "It's down near Tyler." No problem. Ended up being an hour past Tyler. 200 miles away from me. So anyway, we head out there, with spare tires in tow, and when we arrive, we find thedirtiest bus I have ever seen. Seriously. It has sat out in the trees since 1980. I believe the critters rightfully own it, but who am I to say.

So its on 3.5 flats, glad we brought spares. Ever tried to change the wheel on a car that hasn't moved in 26 years? HA! Finally we get them changed, and have a good look at the bus. No crap, I damn near went back home. Oddly, the cargo floor isn't rusted, and the rockers arent, but the drivers floor and front rocker are shot to hell. So I open the slider.

I damn near died. It smelled like a dead rhino crapped a dead monkey's ass. As I said, the critters own this bus, and here is proof.

Still has the fridge and sink he says. Did he mention that the fridge was mostly a rat's nest? I think not. So, thinking the worst is over, I open the passenger door.

All that black? Rat poop. Seriously. I gagged. This whole filthy monster was covered in green moss, and full of rat turds. So even after a long confrence. My freind still decides to take it, cause its cheap, its a 71, and he wants a project. So we load it.

Truthfully, the people were the nicest people I have ever met. They gave us tons of water, fresh fruit and vegtables from their garden, and offered us lunch. Declining, we head home. My freind is in charge of throwing all four flats in the back and shutting the hatch. This is important for later.

Heading back through Tyler, we hear a loud metallic clank, honks, and screeching tires. Thinking nothing of it, we push on. Stopping at car wash 1 of 3, I check the load. The rear hatch has come open, and we lost one wheel. Guess that explains the noise. After advising the now complete idiot what he did, and discovering that the car wash I manuevered us into is broke, we push on. We stop again in Greenville, at a new car wash. I stuff the bus in the wash bay, and stuff seven dollars worth of quarters in the machine. No kidding, this bus freaking stinks. It still smells horrible. So I blast off all the mold, and he gets the bright idea to wash out all the turds while I scrub with the brush. Long story short? He opens the doors, and starts washing all the turds out. Onto me.

Discussion turns to violence, and Kirk takes a shower in the car wash bay to remove the turds. Seven dollars later, the wash bay is screwed, I'm wet, and the bus still stinks. Telling him to check the straps, I go across the street to the dollar store for a towel. This is important for later.

I get back, and we start off. Not five miles later, I hear "tink-tink-tinkle-tink" and pull over. The left strap flew off. Thought you checked them. I did. You didn't or it wouldn't have come off. Went to fix it, its wet, and covered in rat turds. You fix it. Did. Back on the road. Did I mention I still have no AC and its 96 degrees? Yeah. So back we go. Get to Emory. See another small town carwash, free from witnesses. Pull up to the vaccum and spend two dollars sucking up rat turds. I pulled the tip off the hose, and used the open end to suck up everything I could. I gave him cans and sticks duty, and we filled up the trash. I vaccummed until it stopped up.

This thing is still full of turds, and now smells like wet rat crap. I tied my shirt to my face to block the smell. My freind starts scooping trash out with his hands and throwing it on the ground until I stop him. No reason to mess up someone elses place worse. Back on the road.

We finally find a place for fuel that I can pull up to with the bus in tow. Gas clerk wittingly advises me that I'm towing a big piece of shit. Thanking him, I get my chilli cheese fritos and leave. We finally make it back to Sherman, pull through his "to do" neighboorhood, and present his wife with the prize.

She hits the freaking roof. Refuses to have the possibly rat infested, dripping wet stinking bus at the house. Fears retribution from critters. Alleges possible sicknesses caused by said bus, including but not limited to the rocking pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu.

Argument ensues, and Kirk stares at his feet, pretending to be interested in the passing actions of a beetle. Most likely attracted buy the smell of this bus.

Defeated, and dejected, my now ex-freind suggests we put this contraption at my apartment. Not likely. It ended up stuffed in a freinds back yard until further plans are made. He's out of town. Big suprise when he comes back.

We went to the dollar store, got a sixer of bug bombs, and put them in the bus. Hope no one calls the fire department, cause it was smoking.

I shower for 30 minutes, and immediately pass out, after 11 hours on the road.

Long story shorter? A 71 Parts bus may appear on the Samba in the near future.

Did you say "RAT'S NEST"??? :wink:
After I am done being hung over, I will put this in comic form. Hilarious!

Sun Jul 09, 2006 8:36 am

Thanks guys, I am awfully glad I could entertain. Trust me, it was more fun to write it than it was to live it. It sounded fun, truthfully. "Hey Kirk! Lets go grab a bus. Its not far, and I'll get the gas and buy lunch." I guess this thing could be restored, but I dunno.

To answer, we are still freinds, but I think his favor card is full this month. I did get a cold beer, but the steak & ribs dinner is still forthcoming.

:D

Hatchet Face wrote:
After I am done being hung over, I will put this in comic form. Hilarious!

I would really like to see that.

Sun Jul 09, 2006 9:35 am

Kirk wrote: I guess this thing could be restored, but I dunno.
.

excellent rat looker or is that rat lurker :lol: :lol:

Sun Jul 09, 2006 10:28 am

Can you spell H A N T A V I R U S ?

Seriously - be carfeul handling rodent stuff. Hantavirus can be deadly. Read up on it.

Sun Jul 09, 2006 10:48 am

Great story!! You should be a writer!! :D :D

Sun Jul 09, 2006 11:08 am

Where is a hazmat suit when you need it?

Sun Jul 09, 2006 4:14 pm

I'd roll that!!! :shock:

Sun Jul 09, 2006 4:31 pm

This reminds me some boats I've seen for sale ( in Massachussets ): Many miles to see crap, that people had the gut to put on sale. Mostly disgusting. And these people had no shame for the waste of time.
Well, I finally found a very good boat from a good guy, throught good friends.

Sun Jul 09, 2006 5:42 pm

awesome story (I knew I should have bought it when I had the chance damn lost another one)

Sun Jul 09, 2006 5:44 pm

mightyart wrote: EXITSTRATEGY wrote: load up on the air fresheners. remove everything from the inside and pressure-wash it. scrap or spray all furniture with bleach-water. tune engine (if reasonably complete) and enjoy!

Are you kidding?

Are you??? You know who this guy is, dont you?