Just broke up with cheating fiancée

[Just us buses]

I've learned that my fiancée of 3+ years has been dating another guy. (I know that she'll sleep with on first date; did for me). She thought I'd be willing to date/sleep on her days off mid-week and she could see this guy on weekends when I sometimes go to swap meets or auctions. We went thru a lot including breast cancer, buying her a used truck and a $1000 repair on same. We dated almost 5 yrs. I told her we were done; monogamy, too many people in a bed etc. Is this arrangement common? Any thoughts? I'm near 65; She's 48. Maybe that's part of the problem. I'm hurt but can't do this.
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It doesn't matter where you start, it all comes together; it all falls apart.

[enjoyther1de]

Good riddance. Go buy another vw.
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HBB took me to BBV.

[TDCTDI]

Good thing you found out before she was entitled to half of everything. If she wasn't committed enough to remain loyal, how committed do you think she'll be as you get older & may have health issues. With that age difference, it seems like a ie she was looking for more of a father figure or sugar daddy. & don't believe for a second that she can change her ways.
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Everybody born before 1975 has a story, good, bad, or indifferent, about a VW.


GOFUNDYOURSELF, quit asking everyone to do it for you!


An air cooled VW will make you a hoarder.


Do something, anything, to your project every day, and you will eventually complete it.

[sixfootdan]

[iowegian]

[vwinnovator]

consider yourself lucky.

when you were '60, your got laid by a 43yr old!!
Use that thing up 'till the blue pills don't work anymore

you not gonna find a 40yr. old virgin, and the single ladies that old have been around and around......

If your looking for a woman with some values, you might want to start hitting up the nursing homes. they come from the old days and would love your one on one company.

another thought, turn the tables and tell her you'd like to have another lady on the side..
you could probably get a little 3 way action out of that


IF you stick with her though:
"keep your wallet closed, and your pecker clothed"

[Cusser]

My take: at 65, no need to get married anyway; if a gal insists keep as "engaged" forever.

Community property doesn't mean half of everything anyway, just that each would get half of income and possessions acquired during the marriage term, like half the increase in equity of a property, not half the property total.

As to the "other" person, not overly proud or bragging, but in the late 1970s I did have 2 girlfriends, and only one knew about the other. I honestly liked them both the same, and a lot. I did one gal on Friday night/Saturday mornings, the other on Saturday night/Sunday mornings. And then during the week I was innovative with scheduling, a free for all (I never called them by name, they looked similar, to stay out of trouble). The Saturday night/Sunday mornings gal had to wake up like 4:30am weekdays to go to work then, so had to go to sleep early for that. And Friday night/Saturday mornings gal was a Sunday morning church-goer, and I didn't want to get involved in that. I went on out-of-town vacations with both. This lasted over 6 months, then I chose the Saturday night/Sunday mornings gal and married her 2 years later, only lasted a few years, no kids.

Then I was seeing a divorced gal with several kids, like friend with benefits; she had custody except for Friday nights and Saturday daytime, so I only saw her then. So on a 3-day weekend I'd end up trolling Saturday/Sunday/Monday, and co-worker (current Mrs. Cusser) seemed worth the time. But I kept seeing the divorced gal for 2 months more until I finally got Mrs. Cusser to shed her panties. Mrs. Cusser once pressed me for details about my "activities" before her, and I tried to decline answering, but I don't like to lie and told her that I had been intimate with divorced gal all that time, including the night before she gave in. Luckily, that was several months into our relationship or she would've dropped me cold.

So maybe consider your relation a "modern relationship" with "don't ask, don't tell, don't flaunt". Honestly: statistics show that a single guy your age has much greater chance of finding an additional partner, under whatever ground rules you choose, as single guys that age are outnumbered. I'm 63, have truly have gotten "the look" from single/divorced women for 20 years or so in stores, when I was coaching my kids, etc.; some didn't care that I was still married, they wanted to plant the seed early that they were interested. So do what feels right at this time.
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1970 VW (owned since 1972) and 1971 VW Convertible (owned since 1976), second owner of each. The '71 now has the 1835 engine, swapped from the '70. Second owner of each. 1988 Mazda B2200 truck, 1998 Frontier, 2014 Yukon, 2004 Frontier King Cab. All manual transmission except for the Yukon. http://www.thesamba.com/vw/forum/album_page.php?pic_id=335294 http://www.thesamba.com/vw/forum/album_page.php?pic_id=335297

[EverettB]

It may or may not be common these days but really that doesn't matter.

If you were together for that long it should have been considered exclusive unless she told you otherwise at some point or you had some sort of understanding.
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[TDCTDI]

[Jon Schmid]

That sucks, especially being there going through her cancer treatment. Leave and don't look back--if you have your health, there are plenty of eligible women out there. Just use the magic phrase "pre nup" to weed out the players.

[Danwvw]

When it hurt's at least you know your alive! Don't be too rough on her like burning bridges or anything but man move on.
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1960 Beetle And 1679cc DP W-100 & Dual Zeniths!

[Cusser]

Post when you'll all be on the Springer show !!!
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1970 VW (owned since 1972) and 1971 VW Convertible (owned since 1976), second owner of each. The '71 now has the 1835 engine, swapped from the '70. Second owner of each. 1988 Mazda B2200 truck, 1998 Frontier, 2014 Yukon, 2004 Frontier King Cab. All manual transmission except for the Yukon. http://www.thesamba.com/vw/forum/album_page.php?pic_id=335294 http://www.thesamba.com/vw/forum/album_page.php?pic_id=335297

[slave1pilot]

[Tram]

[hitest]

With the list of things you've experienced together, you've had a mini-marriage- with all the trimmings. I'd bet at your ages this will leave you two as better friends. Sorry you hurt and I'm certain that won't last long.
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[Malokin Martin]

Check out Dan Savage if you haven't made up your mind yet. He covers alternate lifestyles quite a bit (including what he calls "manogamish"). It's really not my thing, but plenty of "normal" people do it. Differences are ok, and separate may be a good thing for you both. If you aren't ok with it, then you should be out, but there's a lot of "them" out there that live perfectly balanced lives (given the proper boundaries). His podcasts are a hoot btw.

Here's one with a quick google (there's loads more from him):

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=11412386

In reality, the answers probably aren't on a VW web forum.

[mark tucker]

5 years and just found out???? werent you paying attn to anything?? well just keep your eyes open for the next one. In reality I know more women that cheet than men. after over 25 years with my wife of 20+ YEARS... and somany kids....I still havent fell in to another woman. do i look at them??? you bett your ass i do.... after all Im a lesbian.... but just window shoppen .

[Volks Wagen]

[iowegian]

[Zundfolge1432]

I thought about getting in better shape, learning some ballroom dancing then becoming a man whore working for a cruise ship. Don't laugh plenty of rich widows out there just looking for a man. Several years ago I went with my dad to a senior singles mixer and the ratio of women to men was at least 3 or 4 to 1 . These old cougars are on the hunt. Ya baby. Don't mope get back out there.