TheSamba.com :: View topic

Wed Mar 26, 2008 12:31 pm

Many years ago, my meticulous friend was rebuilding his engine, he was very particular about cleanliness and method, his workshop was like a surgeons operating theatre.
We all thought it was just a quirk of his nature ...but as I found out recently it went deeper.

at the end of one planned maintenance rebuild I dropped a couple of C-clips and a 6mm hex bolt on the floor. just to see his reaction....fully intending to tell him the next day of my foolin'

By the next day he had stripped and rebuilt the engine twice during the night, convinced he had made a mistake.
finding that hilarious I let it ride.

He must have worried for months, even though the bus was running superbly he finally sold the bus. Telling us he was after a new project.
Because he had no van we went to shows and camp outs without him and his lovely wife..yeah..we moved on.

Now I bumped into his wife the other day..(boy ..why do women keep that look about them when they have had no kids ) sorry.. All that foolery happened in the summer of our lives..now it takes a bead of sweat an hour to fall down my face..

after asking how my old friend tom was doing..she replied..oh toms dead now...about two years after he sold the bus. He spiralled down fast, lost all his confidence, friends and turned to the drink.
'Oh my stars,' I exclaimed, what tipped him over?
'Well as you know he was rather fastidious about his work' she went on 'I think his boss was asking him to rush through jobs in the garage, but tom loved his job and his methods and couldn't adjust to this faster life we seem to lead'
'I guess something must have snapped'
I walked away from that fine woman thinking ...

I had a hand in that

Ashamed of that

Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:23 pm

I think it's natural to think we have more of an effect on others than we actually do, especially in cases like this. Abnormally compulsive people are going to have trouble fitting into society regardless. If they are sliding towards a breakdown there's little the average person can do to stop it. He needed professional help and didn't get it. Doesn't sound like anything you did significantly accelerated the downward trend.

Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:32 pm

I'm with Vert on this one. Unless your friends call you "messiah" I don't think you played much if any roll in his demise.

Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:45 pm

I'm keeping my eye on you!

Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:51 pm

true enough ..I guess your right

jeez it makes you think though.. after all those years ..came back like yesterday and my guts just froze.

Wed Mar 26, 2008 2:56 pm

I know how you feel. 6 years ago my older brother, by 2 years, did the same thing. He wasnt OCD but had problems with depression. It was very hard on the family for about 2 years and many friends didnt know how to handle it and kind of drifted out of the circle. The problem with people that have problems like this is that they are very hard on themselves, you tell them that you care and want to help but they seem to not want anyone to help them and want to work it out themselves.

I thought for about a year thinking of this that I did or didnt do to prevent this. In the end it didnt bring my brother back and i still missed him. the best thing i can say is that now that you can identify better with people that have problems you can talk to them better and help them get more help. People that need help are more likely to talk about it with people who have been through it or those that were on the other side seeing the demise.

Wed Mar 26, 2008 3:12 pm

Stay away from me KEV!!!! You are a jinx!!!

Wed Mar 26, 2008 3:33 pm

Depression is bad. Theres more drugs out there for depression then "weed". Go to any doctor and they will hand them to you like candy(whats going on here?) About 30 years ago I sold my best friend a hand gun who was very stable at the time but about 4 years later he used it to put a bullet in his head. At the time I was living in another state but was tolded that he went down hill fast and had be drinking hard everyday. I don`t fell bad about the gun he had more then one. Now if I was still living there who knows maybe I could have helped and maybe not.

Wed Mar 26, 2008 3:37 pm

It's all your fault, clearly.

A deliberate attack, probably related to your coveting of the poor man's wife.

The guilt question is settled, the only issue is, how do you make it right?

Wed Mar 26, 2008 5:02 pm

Life in a shop will do that to you... I have torn engines back down thinking I broke a ring or left out a circlip or something a few times... a couple times I was right... a couple times I was PARANOID...but I never killed myself over it... or a mistake that did lead to "a come back" ...

not your fault... his brain was flawed or hurt and he or no one around him could heal it in time...

Move on...

Wed Mar 26, 2008 6:04 pm

the taking of one's own life is either a consequence of extreme mental instability, or the final act of truly pussified or selfish person. its hard to take responsibility while you're lying in a coffin.

don't beat yourself up, unless you had a an affair with his old lady...in which case, you should feel like a bumb for the rest of your life.

Wed Mar 26, 2008 6:31 pm

millerje78 wrote: the taking of one's own life is either a consequence of extreme mental instability, or the final act of truly pussified or selfish person. its hard to take responsibility while you're lying in a coffin.

don't beat yourself up, unless you had a an affair with his old lady...in which case, you should feel like a bumb for the rest of your life.

unless you did that kind of thing on a daily basis just to torture him, then you might be at fault. but other wise don't worry about it.

Wed Mar 26, 2008 7:10 pm

i say you owe the former wife a good roll in the hay to make up for your poor judgement.

Wed Mar 26, 2008 7:39 pm

millerje78 wrote: the taking of one's own life is either a consequence of extreme mental instability, or the final act of truly pussified or selfish person. its hard to take responsibility while you're lying in a coffin.

don't beat yourself up, unless you had a an affair with his old lady...in which case, you should feel like a bumb for the rest of your life.

My father died at jonestown I seriously doubt he was either selfish or pussified. missled ? maybe . hundreds of children also died on the same day. I seriously doubt any of them were any of the above either. what makes a person do what thay do is beyond me and best left to whatever God or lack there of you believe in. I make no judgements one way or the other. Leave judgement to whatever big cheese you believe in...

Wed Mar 26, 2008 11:31 pm

Gnar.
Had a buddy come by my shop today...our mutual friend did himself in.
We were reminising, and I had some effects to pass on to him, and a CD of music the dude had recommended right before he did it.
One of 'em was a local band, Vetiver's album..."To find me gone"...
Whoa.

Jonestown? Heavy business. That whole trip is very tragic..and to me, very fascinating. Sorry about your familial loss. I have read as much as I could about it. I trip off the whole thing...so many dynamics, such a heavy thing. You have a good outlook...keep on smilin' bro.

Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:54 am

I don't think the OP said anything about suicide.

Suicide is the act of an irrational person because no rational person would ever do that. So if you believe yourself to be rational but can tell another why someone committed an irrational act then it's possible you are next.

I've had a cousin and a couple of friends do it and I hold them in no less regard than before they did it. If their minds had been working right I believe they would have chosen not to do it, just like all of us that our minds do work right.

Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:34 am

We've had three people at work commit suicide in the last five years.. Sorry for your loss, its not your fault

Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:17 am

Zundfolge1432 wrote: We've had three people at work commit suicide in the last five years.. Sorry for your loss, its not your fault Were you "giving advice"?

Thu Mar 27, 2008 11:05 am

Zundfolge1432 wrote: We've had three people at work commit suicide in the last five years.. Sorry for your loss, its not your fault

That is scary. What kind of work is this?

Thu Mar 27, 2008 11:22 am

wsniderokc wrote: i say you owe the former wife a good roll in the hay to make up for your poor judgement.

Too say that didn't cross my mind..would be a lie...good call :D

No it wasn't suicide..though poisoning yourself to death with 12 year old malt could be considered that.

I am getting used to the idea now..that he's gone and my prank was just that... a bit of harmless fun.
thanks for your thoughts on this ...I am intending to tell that fine lookin' woman of my long past silliness.

Over a beer in a cosy Pub.