Need Perspective/marital advice, possible adoption?

[my59]

I worked for a guy who was unable to father kids. Mind you, he and his wife were turned down from adopting cats from a shelter after they were interviewed by the shelter.
They later flew to Russia and bought 2 orphans. Both came with vitamin deficiencies and one had undisclosed fetal alcohol syndrome. Their home life was a shitshow of yelling and constant phone calls to his office. One of the kids had a phase where he liked to set fires in the basement of their house. (Being the outstanding employee I was, I had talking heads burning down the house cued up on the office stereo and played it every time he set foot in the office for the next 6 months) and the real shitty part was the daughter was date raped at 16 and soon disappeared into rehab.

Last I knew, the son finished college, the daughter was going to college in Florida, and the parents have kept doing what parents are supposed to do. They did their best with the tools they had.

If your not 100%, don't start. If you do, you gotta step up.
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my59: Well son, my grandfather died before I got to drive it, so does that answer your question?
our79: sunroof bus w/camper interior and 2.0 FI
Other:'12 Jetta, '77 Benz 300D, and a 74 MG Midget.

[skills@eurocarsplus]

[finster]

when you adopt in the uk you get a health/development report on the child so that you have the heads up of any likely problems past/future. don't they do that in the states?
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"we're here on Earth to fart around" kurt vonnegut

nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect...

[vwwestyman]

As I said before, I've been a foster parent for 7 years. My wife was also licensed on her own for a while before we were engaged. She volunteered for a mentoring program for foster teens I helped start and we met at a fundraiser dinner for a summer camp program for foster kids. So it's safe to say caring for foster kids is something that we both find very important. We're Christians and we feel that doing this is a way for us to live out our faith.

It's hard to say for sure why the girl ran; reading minds is against the rules at our house! I can say I believe we had a pretty good relationship with her; at 10 months long we were her longest placement. Honestly, I think the reason she ran was because of the boy she ran with. She'd ran from her previous placement (with her grandma) about a year ago, and hid out with him that time too. I guess he convinced her that it would be a good idea.

We do have a baby on the way, actually! Due October 26th.

This kiddo is a good kid. My parents love him, we love him, and he loves us. He does occasionally have a hard day (as we all do) but overall he does very well. Honestly, I think I would be pretty surprised if my parents didn't end up adopting him. I think the main thing would be if they decided they were too old to keep up with him. (They do have some general health issues, especially my dad.) He has been adamant for some time tat he would like to be adopted by them or otherwise stay in the family.

We did have a much more productive conversation the other day. I think some of it was miscommunication that first night-we're basically on the same page that we need to keep thinking about and praying about what we might do if my parents decided they couldn't keep him.

In reality, there are still multiple legal things that need to happen before he is even up for adoption so it isn't like there is an immediate decision that needs to be made.

I do appreciate the thoughts and perspectives offered here. Even though I didn't respond before, I had checked in and some of those thoughts were helpful in our conversation the other day.
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Dave Cook

President, Wild Westerner Club

1978 Champagne Edition Westy, repowered to '97 Jetta TDI
1973 Wild Westerner
My Thing

[Volks Wagen]

[Abscate]

He is a well known Ape. Homo Sapiens, in fact. Nothing wrong with that.

Having experienced decompression, your time to hypoxia is shorter than most think - something like 15-30 seconds. You consume a lot of it just wondering what just happened, then you quickly lose faculties.

Unlike Goldfinger, you don't explode through the hole in the plane - its actually the gradual loss of pressure that is more dangerous, as long as the hull remains intact
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.ssS!

[Tram]

[finster]

thanks vwwestyman for reporting back. you kept quiet about the baby which is another pressure point! glad to hear things are harmonious between you and your wife and that some positive input resulted from your posting on the samba.
keep talking, keep loving
all the best for the future
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"we're here on Earth to fart around" kurt vonnegut

nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect...

[Volks Wagen]

[Tram]

[Xevin]

[Volks Wagen]

[Tram]

[nsracing]

One - women do not like being called big fat mammals. And even worse if you said ape in heels.

In general, the rescuer never puts himself in danger. What the hell does it do good anybody if you the rescuer gets killed on first go around? So if you are a combat medic and you manage to have yourself killed before the jump coz you are stupid...really does not help the very people you are supposed to be taking care of.

Even EMS are taught not to proceed if it is too dangerous to go on. So a thug gets shot and bleeding to death...no EMS is gonna go in the middle of gunfire to save his pathetic ass. He is just gonna have to bleed to death.

If you are the rescuer -SAVE YOURSELF FIRST. SO YOU CAN SAVE OTHERS. The logic makes sense.

But I get it that when it is your child, it is natural you will do everything to help them first before yourself. It is probably instinctive to do so...parents will go to harms way to save their brood.

[finster]

guys! somehow I don't think the op was looking for advice on how to survive an airline emergency...
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"we're here on Earth to fart around" kurt vonnegut

nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect...

[vwwestyman]

Ha ha, no I wasn't looking for help in surviving an airline emergency! However, as a therapist, I have used that analogy multiple times with clients, and also in trainings I've done for others working in mental health and for foster parents.

It is not possible to take care of others if you aren't taking care of yourself-you can't help anyone if you're burnt out or dead. So I do appreciate the reminder for myself!

For me, the main discussion point/question was how does a couple "decide together" on something when one side is pretty well decided/willing to do the thing.

The kid in question was primarily context.
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Dave Cook

President, Wild Westerner Club

1978 Champagne Edition Westy, repowered to '97 Jetta TDI
1973 Wild Westerner
My Thing

[Tram]

[Volks Wagen]