My day yesterday.

[Kirk]

I was asked to drag home a bus for a freind. He says "It's down near Tyler." No problem. Ended up being an hour past Tyler. 200 miles away from me. So anyway, we head out there, with spare tires in tow, and when we arrive, we find thedirtiest bus I have ever seen. Seriously. It has sat out in the trees since 1980. I believe the critters rightfully own it, but who am I to say.

So its on 3.5 flats, glad we brought spares. Ever tried to change the wheel on a car that hasn't moved in 26 years? HA! Finally we get them changed, and have a good look at the bus. No crap, I damn near went back home. Oddly, the cargo floor isn't rusted, and the rockers arent, but the drivers floor and front rocker are shot to hell. So I open the slider.

I damn near died. It smelled like a dead rhino crapped a dead monkey's ass. As I said, the critters own this bus, and here is proof.

Still has the fridge and sink he says. Did he mention that the fridge was mostly a rat's nest? I think not. So, thinking the worst is over, I open the passenger door.

All that black? Rat poop. Seriously. I gagged. This whole filthy monster was covered in green moss, and full of rat turds. So even after a long confrence. My freind still decides to take it, cause its cheap, its a 71, and he wants a project. So we load it.

Truthfully, the people were the nicest people I have ever met. They gave us tons of water, fresh fruit and vegtables from their garden, and offered us lunch. Declining, we head home. My freind is in charge of throwing all four flats in the back and shutting the hatch. This is important for later.

Heading back through Tyler, we hear a loud metallic clank, honks, and screeching tires. Thinking nothing of it, we push on. Stopping at car wash 1 of 3, I check the load. The rear hatch has come open, and we lost one wheel. Guess that explains the noise. After advising the now complete idiot what he did, and discovering that the car wash I manuevered us into is broke, we push on. We stop again in Greenville, at a new car wash. I stuff the bus in the wash bay, and stuff seven dollars worth of quarters in the machine. No kidding, this bus freaking stinks. It still smells horrible. So I blast off all the mold, and he gets the bright idea to wash out all the turds while I scrub with the brush. Long story short? He opens the doors, and starts washing all the turds out. Onto me.

Discussion turns to violence, and Kirk takes a shower in the car wash bay to remove the turds. Seven dollars later, the wash bay is screwed, I'm wet, and the bus still stinks. Telling him to check the straps, I go across the street to the dollar store for a towel. This is important for later.

I get back, and we start off. Not five miles later, I hear "tink-tink-tinkle-tink" and pull over. The left strap flew off. Thought you checked them. I did. You didn't or it wouldn't have come off. Went to fix it, its wet, and covered in rat turds. You fix it. Did. Back on the road. Did I mention I still have no AC and its 96 degrees? Yeah. So back we go. Get to Emory. See another small town carwash, free from witnesses. Pull up to the vaccum and spend two dollars sucking up rat turds. I pulled the tip off the hose, and used the open end to suck up everything I could. I gave him cans and sticks duty, and we filled up the trash. I vaccummed until it stopped up.

This thing is still full of turds, and now smells like wet rat crap. I tied my shirt to my face to block the smell. My freind starts scooping trash out with his hands and throwing it on the ground until I stop him. No reason to mess up someone elses place worse. Back on the road.

We finally find a place for fuel that I can pull up to with the bus in tow. Gas clerk wittingly advises me that I'm towing a big piece of shit. Thanking him, I get my chilli cheese fritos and leave. We finally make it back to Sherman, pull through his "to do" neighboorhood, and present his wife with the prize.

She hits the freaking roof. Refuses to have the possibly rat infested, dripping wet stinking bus at the house. Fears retribution from critters. Alleges possible sicknesses caused by said bus, including but not limited to the rocking pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu.

Argument ensues, and Kirk stares at his feet, pretending to be interested in the passing actions of a beetle. Most likely attracted by the smell of this bus.

Defeated, and dejected, my now ex-freind suggests we put this contraption at my apartment. Not likely. It ended up stuffed in a freinds back yard until further plans are made. He's out of town. Big suprise when he comes back.

We went to the dollar store, got a sixer of bug bombs, and put them in the bus. Hope no one calls the fire department, cause it was smoking.

I shower for 30 minutes, and immediately pass out, after 11 hours on the road.

Long story shorter? A 71 Parts bus may appear on the Samba in the near future.

_________________
MAKE FORUMS GREAT AGAIN

Bear
Coble
Super
Oppenheim

[mightyart]

Wow, I've helped a few friends like that before.
Wait a few days, him and his wife will decide to try to give it to you since you know about VWs.

[ScottK]

Great story! I feel so much better about my POS bus now!

[EXITSTRATEGY]

man, i feel for you. but there's allways hope. get some THICK rubber gloves and a breathing mask. load up on the air fresheners. remove everything from the inside and pressure-wash it. scrap or spray all furniture with bleach-water. tune engine (if reasonably complete) and enjoy!

but you know this already, you are a good friend to someone. don't let them forget.

[mightyart]

[Birdibus]

I'm laughing so hard tears are running down my face. Wow, you sure can write a funny tale. To bad you had to live through it, but thanks for making my morning. ROFL
_________________
`
'74 Westfalia Yosemite Yellow
'71 Bus Niagra blue and white

[JMazier]

I laughed till I cried! You know, I say wash you hands (literally) of this one…It is likely not worth the trouble. Having said that, you are a good friend!
_________________
Cheers!

Jérôme

’79 Cali Westy 2.0 F.I.
'74 Honda CB 350 Four
'78 Honda CB 750 K
'12 Golf GTI
'11 Ural Patrol

[VWBusrepairman]

1. be careful when dealing with animal feces- you can become seriously ill
2. also beware of the microbial growth in the bus such as black mold, this can make you very ill
3. you're not friends now because of the bus?
4. were you rewarded for your service with cold beer?
5. bleach water will kill most of what is on the non porous surfaces
6. I too, have a similar project, though not filled with animal "remains"...mine is a '70 weekender:

[ronan.b]

i'm across the atlantic and i'm sorry but i'm currently pissing myself at your misfortune.

i need a friend like you dude

that was funny
_________________
my bus came with the optional ferrous oxide performance pack (gets lighter as more rots away, and therefore faster)......

78 nine seater

[stevo]

what a scene plus spewing parts on the highway..sounds like murphy's law kirked into high gear
_________________
When you cross an Irishman, they never forget. I mean, never.

[Hatchet Face]

[Kirk]

Thanks guys, I am awfully glad I could entertain. Trust me, it was more fun to write it than it was to live it. It sounded fun, truthfully. "Hey Kirk! Lets go grab a bus. Its not far, and I'll get the gas and buy lunch." I guess this thing could be restored, but I dunno.

To answer, we are still freinds, but I think his favor card is full this month. I did get a cold beer, but the steak & ribs dinner is still forthcoming.

[ronan.b]

[jtauxe]

Can you spell H A N T A V I R U S ?

Seriously - be carfeul handling rodent stuff. Hantavirus can be deadly. Read up on it.
_________________
John
"Travelling in a fried-out Kombi, on a hippie trail, head full of zombie..." - Colin Hay and Ron Strykert
http://vw.tauxe.net
1969 Transporter, 1971 Westfalia, 1976, 1977, 1976, 1977, 1971, 1973, 1977 Westfalias,
1979 Champagne Sunroof, 1974 Westfalia Automatic, 1979 Transporter, 1972 Sportsmobile, 1973 Transporter Wild Westerner, 1974 Westfalia parts bus, 1975 Mexican single cab *FOR SALE*, 1978 Irish 4-door double cab RHD

[wcfvw69]

Great story!! You should be a writer!!
_________________
Contact me at [email protected]
Follow me on instagram @sparxwerksllc

Decades of VW and VW parts restoration experience.
The Samba member since 2004.

**Now rebuilding throttle bodies for VW's and Porsche's**
**Restored German Bosch distributors for sale or I can restore yours**
**Restored German Pierburg fuel pumps for sale or I can restore yours**
**Restored Porsche fuel pumps or I can restore yours**
**Restored Porsche distributors or I can restore yours**

[EZ Gruv]

Where is a hazmat suit when you need it?
_________________
Eric
1977 Deluxe Westfalia - 2.0L FI Type IV, Completely Original
Photographer for HotVWs, VolksWorld, AirMighty, VW Camper & Commercial, Hayburner, and more.
My Photography Page.

[scottykempf]

I'd roll that!!!

[twinfalls]

This reminds me some boats I've seen for sale ( in Massachussets ): Many miles to see crap, that people had the gut to put on sale. Mostly disgusting. And these people had no shame for the waste of time.
Well, I finally found a very good boat from a good guy, throught good friends.
_________________
Stock 1974 US Westy, AW-A 1800cc dual carbs. Twin Falls is my favorite site on the Churchill river in Manitoba.

[OCFatMan]

awesome story (I knew I should have bought it when I had the chance damn lost another one)

[steponmebbbboom]