Carat Christmas Carol, or 'The Twelve Bills of Christmas'

msinabottle

This won't be as nice as my Hot Buttered Rum recipe was last year, but here is my Christmas encapsulation of good wishes to you all:

Carat Christmas Carol, or 'The Twelve Bills of Christmas'

Just as I got my Christmas bills, I found my Van would need…

A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV…

After I paid all those bills, I found my Van would need…

Two brand new heads… and…
A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV!

After I paid all those other bills, I found my Van would need…

Three fuel injectors…
Two brand new heads… and…
A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV!

After I paid those still other bills, I found my Van would need…

Four Wiseco pistons…
Three fuel injectors…
Two brand new heads… and…
A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV!

Once I’d paid off all the bills from that, I found my Van would need…

NEW VALVES AND RINGS!
Four Wiseco pistons…
Three fuel injectors…
Two brand new heads… and…
A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV!

My bonus check completely gone, I found my Van would need…

Six feet of tubing…
NEW VALVES AND RINGS!
Four Wiseco pistons…
Three fuel injectors…
Two brand new heads… and…
A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV!

Now working fifty hours a week, I found my Van would need…

Seven splices soldered…
Six feet of tubing…
NEW VALVES AND RINGS!
Four Wiseco pistons…
Three fuel injectors…
Two brand new heads… and…
A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV!

Now max-ing out a credit card, I found my Van would need…

Eight quarts of Prestone!
Seven splices soldered…
Six feet of tubing…
NEW VALVES AND RINGS!
Four Wiseco pistons…
Three fuel injectors…
Two brand new heads… and…
A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV!

After I’d sold a kidney, I found my Van would need…

Non-nixed emissions!
Eight quarts of Prestone!
Seven splices soldered…
Six feet of tubing…
NEW VALVES AND RINGS!
Four Wiseco pistons…
Three fuel injectors…
Two brand new heads… and…
A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV!

I sued my old mechanic, found my Van would need…

Transmission tear-down!
Non-nixed emissions!
Eight quarts of Prestone!
Seven splices soldered…
Six feet of tubing…
NEW VALVES AND RINGS!
Four Wiseco pistons…
Three fuel injectors…
Two brand new heads… and…
A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV!

I sold the house, lived in the Van, and found that it would need…

Eleven Westy latches!
Transmission tear-down!
Non-nixed emissions!
Eight quarts of Prestone!
Seven splices soldered…
Six feet of tubing…
NEW VALVES AND RINGS!
Four Wiseco pistons…
Three fuel injectors…
Two brand new heads… and…
A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV!

Too poor to buy a tank of gas, I found my Van would need…

Tags, tent, and tuning!
Eleven Westy latches!
Transmission tear-down!
Non-nixed emissions!
Eight quarts of Prestone!
Seven splices soldered…
Six feet of tubing…
NEW VALVES AND RINGS!
Four Wiseco pistons…
Three fuel injectors…
Two brand new heads… and…
A ‘remove and replace’ on each CV!

Merry Christmas, Chappy Channukkah, Righteous Ramadan, Terrific Tet, and… Whatever Atheists do.

Best!
_________________
'Winston,' '84 1.9 WBX Westy
Vanagon Poet Laureate: "I have suffered in
many ways, but never, never, never in silence."

CF · Samba Member Joined: February 17, 2005 Posts: 802

good job

DubOne · Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:30 am Post subject:

nice one man! sounds all too realistic Wink

bucko · Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 5:14 am Post subject:

That almost put me into the Christmas spirit......
_________________
Current VW drives: 1984 Westfalia

Past VW drives: 1967 Beetle, 1973 Beetle, 1977 Bus, 1971 Military Type 181

BoneStock67 · Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:10 am Post subject:

I sang (most of) it for my kids this morning.
They didn't really get it, but I thought it was a riot.
_________________
1986 Wolfsburg Westfalia Weekender 2.1L stock
1967 Beetle, now becoming my daily driver again, after a long rest in the garage

"There are two possible outcomes: if the result confirms the hypothesis, then you've made a measurement. If the result is contrary to the hypothesis, then you've made a discovery.” -Enrico Fermi

wavanagon · Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:18 am Post subject:

You crack me up! Great job. Laughing

_________________
1988 Vanagon GL - For Sale
1987 Westfalia
2008 Audi A4 2.0T
http://wavanagon.googlepages.com

Dirty from working on your Vanagon? Buy soap from my wife!
http://www.teatreesoap.com

funagon · Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:39 am Post subject: hooray!

Hooray! excellent work, Mr. msinabottle. The next time a newbie asks "Are these things expensive to fix?" I will refer them to this carol of holiday good cheer.
_________________
1990 GL 7-passenger
2.2 liter WBX

Steelhead · Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 10:52 am Post subject:

hahaha...well done!
_________________
'77 Bay Window / '89 Caratsburg (aka. the Stormtrooper)

MootPoint · Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 11:12 am Post subject:

What? No "wtf" comment from RoachGhia?
_________________
1984 Westy with tencentlife power!

lovedavdubs · Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 11:38 am Post subject:

Music to my ears! Well done. You should make a Youtube video. I think I'm going to go home and string up the lights now.
_________________
82 Air-cooled Westy (Lola)...My other vehicle is a subway.

foodeater · Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:23 pm Post subject:

I was looking for that roachghia comment too. Maybe he's out buying his Dodge Caravan.
_________________
89 Bluestar-2.5 Subaru Powered-RIP
'84 Westy Tiico-daily driver-sold
'82 Caddy diesel-sold
'87 Vanagon Syncro-RIP
'81 diesel rabbit-sold
'82 Vanagon auto-RIP

K58 · Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:54 am Post subject:

wtf
standing in for roachghia while test driving Dodge

cityside · Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 5:23 am Post subject:

Atheists enjoy watching the kids enjoy whichever
_________________
----------------------
There are only two things in life, ... but I forget what they are.

'89 westy
'90 325ci

16CVs · Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 9:03 pm Post subject: 12 holiday verses

What about Kwanza?

levi · Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 9:25 pm Post subject: Re: 12 holiday verses

msinabottle · Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 3:30 pm Post subject: A Holiday Bump

Rather than re-post this song celebrating the season, and our vans, I just bump the old thread, with renewed fond best wishes for 2010's holidays, and 2011 to come.

Best!
_________________
'Winston,' '84 1.9 WBX Westy
Vanagon Poet Laureate: "I have suffered in
many ways, but never, never, never in silence."

Alaric.H · Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 3:51 pm Post subject:

'Twas
the night before Christmas, And all through the trails,

Every 4x4 stranded, Their progress like snails.

They had no shovels, No rope and no winch,

No CB, no cell-phone, To get out of their pinch.

When out from a mud pit, There arose such a clatter;

All the 'wheelers came running To see what was the matter.

I saw some poor Toyota All covered in crud;

He had blown his motor trying to get free of the mud.

As he stood there I noticed His glowing red face,

And I knew in an instant He wanted out of this place.

I glanced at his roof, It was all I could see;

He pleaded for help From my Syncro and from me.

So I sprang to the front Of my trusty old Van,

Pulled out the tow strap, Said "Hook 'er up, man!"

He went for a swim In the watery hell, and

I laughed as he turned brown, And started to smell.

He hooked up the strap to his buried front hook,

I put a coat on the line Like it says in the book.

I pulled him out quickly, A very fast session;

And I charged him a C-note, To teach him a lesson.

I then drove my Syncro through the same mud in low gear;

No problem for me, 'Cause I 'm locked front and rear!

I wound down my window as I drove out of sight,

And smugly yelled "Next time Stay home Christmas night!"

msinabottle

Bump.

A merry Christmas and a very happy new year to us all, with our vans running well, safely, CHEAPLY, and taking us all to wonderful places full of wonder and beauty!

Best!
_________________
'Winston,' '84 1.9 WBX Westy
Vanagon Poet Laureate: "I have suffered in
many ways, but never, never, never in silence."


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