SGKent 
Samba Member
Joined: October 30, 2007
Posts: 41031
Location: Citrus Heights CA (Near Sacramento)
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 Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2020 10:45 pm Post subject: Long Christmas Trip |
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Many of you have made trips in your buses this time of the year. I am reminded of one where we left Riverside CA about this time of the year, drove to a little town between Baton Rouge and Alexandria Louisana, then to Fort Walton Beach FL, back to Louisiana, up Highway 71 to Fayettesville Arkansas, and home on I-40, visiting family in Louisiana, Florida and Arkansas. I was about 30 at the time, we were in a 1971 deluxe with a small lite trailer attached, and passengers being my-ex wife, her two children and four Scottish terriers. Dad always said that when you are in NW Arkansas if you don't like what the weather looks like ignore the weatherman, and go with your own instincts. This was 1979 - about 3:00 pm the sky overhead went from deep blue to a hazy milky color up high slowing lowering in about an hour, so we abruptly pulled out of my uncle and aunt's home in Fayettesville rather than spend another night. We drove down to I-40 thru Fort Smith. This was when the 2 lane Highway 71 was the only route there. About 6pm we were at the Oklahoma state line, where it began to snow. About 7pm it turned to ice, and we were at a dead stop in traffic due to an accident ahead. We were the first car in the next group the state Trooper held so we got a good look at the accident. It was a late VW bus lying on its side. I rolled the window down, and asked the Trooper how bad the ice was (the wrecker was having a terrible time getting that late bus back upright). He looked at us and our license plate, said "you aren't from these parts, watch..." and pushed against the bus with his feet together - he slid about 4 or 5 feet. I was very careful when he let us go, and by the time we got to about Oklahoma City it was so icy that the bus was trying to swap ends constantly, even at 15 - 20 mph. I put on crossbar chains to help and that let us get into Oklahoma City to stay. We parked up next to the Ramada Inn, and while there I watched every car that came into the parking lot end up in a mess out at the end of the lot. It took me four or five lite falls and someone helping me to walk up the curb to the hotel it was so slippery. The snow and ice went all the way to the California border so we had 2 more days of snow and ice in the bus. I broke a chain several times, and when there were no more repair parts started shopping for them in Amarillo. No one had chains or parts. Finally a truck stop let me go thru their busted chain piles and I was able to scavenge enough parts to keep us going. We met two gals in a Beetle in Amarillo who couldn't get their Beetle to start, and the mechanic didn't have a clue. I showed them how to whack the starter solenoid with a long screwdriver to get the starter to work and they were on the way. (It really is a very old VW problem.) The ice got so bad in Arizona's mountains we had to stop every 15 - 20 miles to be sure that the wheel wells weren't incing up since we were driving only straight ahead on I-40. The radio antenna was the size of a baseball bat and frozen to the A-pillar. The heater was full on defrost, one side covered, and all it could do was keep a dinner plate sized window haze free I could look thru to drive. Anyway - if any of you are traveling in your buses this time of year be very safe.
Now that said, you can tell that my people are from the south, specifically Arkansas, Louisiana, Texas, Oklahoma, Alabama and N. FL etc. Basically a Southern family all the back to Colonial days in VA and MD. Because our sense of humor is different than many other parts of the country, I have saved this days of Christmas story a friend in Louisiana sent me many years ago. If you are from an old Southern family then you'll find it funny too. But if you are from any other place in the country move along. You'll miss the humor. Happy Holidays. It has to be read with a Cajun - southern accent to fully enjoy it. 
"Cajun 12 Days of Christmas" (author unknown)
Day 1 Dear Emile, Thanks for da bird in the Pear Tree. I fixed it las
night with dirty rice an it was delicious. I doan tink the Peaar Tree would
grow in de swamp, so I swapped it for a Satsuma.
Day 2 Dear Emile, Your letter said you sent 2 turtle dove, but all I got
was 2 scrawny pigeon. Anyway, I mixed them with andouille and made some
gumbo out of dem.
Day 3 Dear Emile, Why doan you sen me some crawfish? I'm tired of eating
them damed bird. I gave two of those prissy French chicken to Mrs. Fontenot
over at Grand Chenier, and fed the tird one to my dog, Phideaux. Mrs.
Fontenot needed some sparring partners for her fighting rooster.
Day 4 Dear Emile, Mon Dieux! I tole you no more of dem bird. Deez four,
what you call "calling bird" wuz so noisy yuou could hear dem all da' way to
Lafayette. I used they necks for my crab traps, and fed the rest of dem to
the gators.
Day 5 Dear Emile, You finally sent something useful. I liked dem golden
rings, me. I hocked dem at da' pawn shop in Sulphur and got enough money to
fix the shaft on my shrimp boat and to buy a round for day boys at the Raisin
Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!
Day 6 Dear Emile, Couchon! Back to da birds, you coonass turkey! Poor
egg sucking Phideaux is scared to death ah dem six goose. He gtry to eat
they eggs and they pecked the heck out ah his snout. Dem goose are damn good
at eating cockroach around da' house, though. I may stuff one ah dem goose
with erster dressing to serve him on Christmas Day.
Day 7 Dear Emile, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you.
Ole Boudreaus, da mailman, is ready to kill you, too. The crap from all dem
bird is stinkin up his mailboat.. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff
and gonna sue him. I let dem seven swan loose to swim on da bayou and some
stupid duck hunter from Mississippi done blasted dem out da water. Talk to
you tomorrow.
Day 8 Dear Emile, Poor ole Boudreaux had to make 3 trips on his mailboat
to deliver dem 8 maids-a-milking & der cows. One of dem cows done got
spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem
shiftless maids, me. I told dem to get to work gutting fish and sweeping my
shack--but dey say it wasn't in their contract. Dey probably tink dey too
good to skin all dem nutria I caught las nite.
Day 9 Dear Emile, What you trying to do? Boudreaux had to borrow da
Cameron Ferry to carry these jumpin twits you call "lords-a-leaping" across
the bayou. As soon as dey got here dey wanted a tea break and crumpets, I
doan know what dat means but I says, "Well la di da". You get Chicory coffee
or nuthin." Mon Dieux, Emile, what I'm gonna feed all these bozos? They
too snooty for fried nutria, and the cow ate up all my turnip green.
Day 10 Dear Emile, You got to be out of you mind. If da mailman don't
kill you, I will. Today he delivered 10 half nekkid floozies from Bourbon
Street. Dey said they be " ladies dancing" but dey don't act like ladies in
front of dem Limy sailing boys. Dey almost left after one of dem got bit by
a water moccasin over by my outhouse. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute
le monde. And get toilet paper rolls. The Sears catalog wasn't good enough
for dem hoity toity lords. Talk to you tomorrow.
Day 11 Dear Emile, Where Y'at? Cherio and pip pip. You 11 Pipers Piping
arrived today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey got off da boat.
We fixed stuffed goose and beef fric-a-say, and jumbalaya, finished the
whiskey, and we're having a fais-do-do. Da new mailman drank a bottle of
Jack Daniel, and he's having a good ole time dancing with the floozies. Da'
ole mailman done jump off the Moss Bluff Bridge yesterday, screaming you
name. If you happen to get a mysterious-looking, ticking package in da mail,
don't open it.
Day 12 Dear Emile, Me I'm sorry to told you--but I am not your true love
anymore. After the fais-do-do, I spent da nite with Jacque, the head piper.
We decided to open a restaurant and gentlemen's club on the bayou. The
floozies-pardon me-ladies dancing can make $20 for a table dance, and the
lords can be the waiters and valet park da boats. Since da' maids have no
more cows to milk, I trained dem to set my crab traps, watch by trotlines,
and run my shrimping business. We'll probably gross a million dollar next
year.
Have a Greaat Christmuss!!! Marie LeDieu
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“Most people don’t know what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.” - George Carlin |
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