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Max Welton
Samba Member
Joined: May 19, 2003
Posts: 10697
Location: Black Forest, CO
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 Posted: Thu May 26, 2022 10:03 am Post subject: Death in the family |
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Yesterday I got a call from my son's company. He had called in sick last week and they hadn't heard from him since. It wasn't like him and they were worried. I was on record as his emergency contact. The fire dept was called to do a wellness check and they found him dead in his apartment. He had a heart condition and was very overweight. He was 39.
So what follows for me is a blizzard of new experiences. Find a mortuary. Call his landlord. Clean out his apartment. Find out if he has stuff that needs to be returned to his employer. Figure out what to do with his car.
My son and I hadn't talked in over a year. I don't know that we could have done anything different on that score but there is a lot of guilt that comes with it regardless.
Hug your loved ones. Don't loose touch. You just never know.
Max
_________________
1967 Type-3 Fastback
Under the Knife https://shoptalkforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=151582
Home Stretch https://www.thesamba.com/vw/forum/viewtopic.php?t=767836 |
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finster
Samba Member
Joined: May 26, 2012
Posts: 7934
Location: north o' the border
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| Posted: Thu May 26, 2022 10:37 am Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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sorry for your loss and that it happened in such a way as this. initially there will be plenty to arrange and organise then there will be a lot to process emotionally. hopefully you have family and friends for support...
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nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect... |
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Max Welton
Samba Member
Joined: May 19, 2003
Posts: 10697
Location: Black Forest, CO
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56Cabrio
Samba Member
Joined: May 22, 2008
Posts: 1899
Location: San Fernando Valley, CA
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cbeck
Samba Member
Joined: January 14, 2014
Posts: 2495
Location: high ridge, mo
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| Posted: Thu May 26, 2022 11:54 am Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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Sorry for your loss. Last year was a cluster cleaning up my mom’s estate.
Great news last week, our first grandson was born 8 days ago.
Not so great. This past Saturday, our 34 th anniversary, our first grand daughter was still born with out a heart beat at 24 weeks.
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My cut in half and rebuild thread
www.thesamba.com/vw/forum/viewtopic.php?t=647779 |
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Cusser
Samba Member
Joined: October 02, 2006
Posts: 31360
Location: Hot Arizona
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my59
Samba Member
Joined: August 13, 2003
Posts: 3790
Location: connecting the dots
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| Posted: Thu May 26, 2022 4:06 pm Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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That simply sucks, sorry for you loss. Parents are not supposed to outlive their offspring.
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busdaddy
Samba Member
Joined: February 12, 2004
Posts: 51121
Location: Surrey B.C. Canada, but thinking of Ukraine
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| Posted: Thu May 26, 2022 4:26 pm Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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I agree with all of the above, what terrible news, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Ruined my day to hear that, but at the same time it reinforced my determination to try and maintain a good relationship with my kids, even if they get under my skin now and then.
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Joe 20
Samba Member
Joined: August 27, 2005
Posts: 655
Location: Ohio
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| Posted: Thu May 26, 2022 7:32 pm Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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May the Lord be of comfort to you and your family. You are in my prayers.
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scottyrocks
Samba Member
Joined: August 19, 2016
Posts: 2660
Location: Long Island, NY
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| Posted: Thu May 26, 2022 9:32 pm Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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My sincerest condolences.
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Emily's Owner
Samba Member
Joined: January 18, 2004
Posts: 977
Location: Canby, Oregon
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| Posted: Thu May 26, 2022 9:48 pm Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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My deepest sympathies Max, so sorry to hear.
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Xargaret
ITMC - OG Den Mother
What (and I cannot stress this enough) The Actual Fuck?!
1974 Transporter
2023 Subaru Outback |
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Abscate
Samba Member
Joined: October 05, 2014
Posts: 22639
Location: NYC/Upstate/ROW
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| Posted: Thu May 26, 2022 10:54 pm Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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Losing a child at any age eventually leads you to appreciating children everywhere. Even 35 years later, I can still cry somewhat randomly over this
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Marcdeb
Samba Member
Joined: May 22, 2019
Posts: 3031
Location: Vermont
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| Posted: Fri May 27, 2022 2:31 am Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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I can't imagine what you are going through, and the mix of emotions you must be having. Life can be so unfair. Try to cherish all the good memories and time will ease your sadness. My sincere condolences.
_________________
Marc
68 Karmann Ghia Cabrio Autostick
71 Karmann Ghia Cabrio
Previously Owned:
2011 VW EOS Hard Top Conv
2008 Saab 9-3 2.0T Conv
2003 Saab 9-3 SE Conv
2001 Saab 9-3 Conv
1998 BMW 3 Series Conv
1997 Saab 900 Conv
1997 Mazda Miata
68 Ghia Vert Survivor with 22,350 miles: https://www.thesamba.com/vw/forum/viewtopic.php?t=768107&highlight=
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gt1953
Samba Member
Joined: May 08, 2002
Posts: 13846
Location: White Mountains Arizona
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| Posted: Fri May 27, 2022 6:38 am Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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My condolances to you.
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Numbers Matching VW's are getting harder to find. Source out the most Stock vehicle and keep that way. You will be glad you did.
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74 Thing
Samba Member
Joined: September 02, 2004
Posts: 7389
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| Posted: Fri May 27, 2022 7:49 am Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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| My condolences. |
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jinx758
Samba Member
Joined: October 04, 2014
Posts: 689
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Fri May 27, 2022 8:04 am Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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So, so sorry to hear of your loss ... !
PLEASE DO THIS :
1) allow yourself to grieve. Don't hold back - this is normal and healthy (both for you, family, & friends).
2) after the arrangements are done find a quiet place by yourself. Write your son a letter and tell him everything you would've said or think he needs to hear . He will see/get the message and you may fell a little bit of closure. Show it to no one, this is between you and your son - destroy it afterwards.
This has helped others who were harboring ill emotions considering loss, survivors guilt, & etc..
Gentle blessings ...
jinx
In 2000 my Mom passed in Az when I was in Tx. I fastened a dozen red carnations onto a board with her name & dates. I found a stream & let it float away till it went around a bend while telling her what I felt I needed to say. I still miss her & wish I could hear her voice one more time.
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stevemariott
Samba Member
Joined: November 09, 2003
Posts: 1051
Location: Portland, OR
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| Posted: Fri May 27, 2022 8:40 am Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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My sincere condolences, Max.
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1963 Manx copy
1968 Bus |
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Dave
Samba Elder
Joined: July 11, 2002
Posts: 2692
Location: The Forest Moon of Endor, in the Redwoods
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| Posted: Fri May 27, 2022 8:40 am Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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So very sorry, Max and family, I am only a private message away, should you feel the need to lean on someone, or bend an ear..
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2003 Samba Chummie Winner- Best Story
"Those that matter, don't mind,
and those that mind, don't matter" |
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Jon Schmid
Samba Member
Joined: May 29, 2012
Posts: 2038
Location: Southern California
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| Posted: Fri May 27, 2022 9:05 am Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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| My sincere condolences to you and your family, Max. |
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LAGrunthaner
Samba Member
Joined: March 18, 2007
Posts: 5505
Location: 1st Coast
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| Posted: Fri May 27, 2022 6:57 pm Post subject: Re: Death in the family |
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Max, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear son. When you have gotten through all the logistics think about what jinx758 said as it is a very therapeutic method of coping. I hope reading all of these posts offer some comfort to you and your family.
| Max Welton wrote: |
Yesterday I got a call from my son's company. He had called in sick last week and they hadn't heard from him since. It wasn't like him and they were worried. I was on record as his emergency contact. The fire dept was called to do a wellness check and they found him dead in his apartment. He had a heart condition and was very overweight. He was 39.
So what follows for me is a blizzard of new experiences. Find a mortuary. Call his landlord. Clean out his apartment. Find out if he has stuff that needs to be returned to his employer. Figure out what to do with his car.
My son and I hadn't talked in over a year. I don't know that we could have done anything different on that score but there is a lot of guilt that comes with it regardless.
Hug your loved ones. Don't loose touch. You just never know.
Max |
| jinx758 wrote: |
So, so sorry to hear of your loss ... !
PLEASE DO THIS :
1) allow yourself to grieve. Don't hold back - this is normal and healthy (both for you, family, & friends).
2) after the arrangements are done find a quiet place by yourself. Write your son a letter and tell him everything you would've said or think he needs to hear . He will see/get the message and you may fell a little bit of closure. Show it to no one, this is between you and your son - destroy it afterwards.
This has helped others who were harboring ill emotions considering loss, survivors guilt, & etc..
Gentle blessings ...
jinx
In 2000 my Mom passed in Az when I was in Tx. I fastened a dozen red carnations onto a board with her name & dates. I found a stream & let it float away till it went around a bend while telling her what I felt I needed to say. I still miss her & wish I could hear her voice one more time. |
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| Lind wrote: |
| Have you considered simply starting with a nicer bus? I don't know what your skills are, but the race is easier if you can see the finish line. If you are not a runner, don't start off doing a marathon. |
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